"A Picky Eater"

My two-and-a-half year old doesn't eat enough to keep a bird alive. He seems healthy and energetic, but I don't know how he does it. He barely touches his food at mealtimes. He often wants to snack between meals and usually I let him, because he seems genuinely hungry, but then he doesn't touch his food at mealtimes. How can I get him to eat more?

-- concerned mom in Sacramento

Children's eating is a challenging issue for many families. It doesn't take long for most of us to discover that our children's eating is one of the areas we, as parents, don't get to control.
      From a parents' perspective, eating is often a loaded issue. Feeding children is a core aspect of our responsibility for our child's survival, and for many of us, it is also all wrapped up with our sense of nurturing. In addition, in a culture where we are caught between pressure to overeat and pressure to diet, and where there is an obsession about body image, it is difficult to come up with a healthy, relaxed attitude about our children's eating.
      We do, however, have a significant influence, not only on what our children eat, but also on how they feel about food and mealtimes. Here are several things we know about children and eating:
. Most children naturally go through periods where they eat more and periods where they eat less. This can vary from week to week, month to month, day to day, or even meal to meal.
. Many kids go through stages where they eat a very narrow range of foods. If you're still concerned about the foods your child is choosing, you might want to supplement his diet with a good multivitamin.
. Children like to eat frequent small meals rather than three big meals. The food intake of young children can often be described most accurately as snacking or grazing.
. In toddlerhood, some children who were previously vigorous eaters experience a decrease in their eating. This is a normal developmental change.
. Given healthy food choices, children will select a balanced diet. One of the most important things for parents to know is that, for the most part, in an environment where there are healthy food choices, you can trust children's natural appetites. There was a classic study done on children's eating in the 1930's where babies and toddlers were offered a wide selection of healthy food choices each day over an extended period of time. Sometimes children would "binge" on one particular food, eating only eggs, for instance. Sometimes they would eat more or less, but over a two-week period, all of the children chose a balanced diet.
      Here are some other things to think about when considering your child's diet:
. You choose the food and your child chooses when and how much to eat. Parents are in charge of is what kind of food choices are available to children. In addition, we are responsible for observing our children and learning about their natural appetites and eating patterns. We also decide when food will be made available and what the parameters and rules are around eating. However, children make the final decision about when, what and how much they will eat.
. Strive to create a relaxed atmosphere around food and mealtimes. As hard as this might be because of our busy lives and our children's seemingly erratic eating patterns, it is important to help children to focus on eating rather than toys, TV, or other distractions.
      Creating a relaxed atmosphere includes working to avoid fighting with your child about what he eats. Conflicts between parents and children can discourage children from trying something they might otherwise try just to prove they are making their own decisions. In comfortable surroundings, children are more likely to be in touch with their natural appetites and to venture out to try new or unfamiliar foods.
. Encourage experimentation. While you can't "force" a child to try an unfamiliar food, there are things you can do that make it possible for them to try something new. You can share your own enthusiasm about the food, "I was so excited to see these snow peas in the store. I love their taste and they have these little, tiny peas inside." Or, you can suggest to your child that their mouth might have a different opinion about the food than their eyes do. You can also tell children that their tastes change as they grow and that something they didn't like before might be something that they really like now.
      Finally, if you are comfortable with the idea, you can tell your child that he can take a bite to see if he likes it and he can spit it into his napkin if he doesn't. Sometimes children are afraid to try for fear that they will get stuck with something in their mouth that they can't get rid of.
. Support children in doing as much as possible for themselves. Children are usually much more interested in food when they can feed themselves or serve themselves. If they can also grow the food, shop for the food, choose the food or cook the food, their interest in eating it may increase dramatically. Obviously, a child's ability to do these things will vary with age, but if you let your child do as much as possible at each step, he will be more interested in the food because he's had a chance to get to know it before it reaches his plate.
. Make snacks healthy. Since many children need to eat frequently and tend to eat more between meals than at meals, it is important to provide healthy snacks between meals. Avoiding high fat, sugared or salted foods will allow children to choose a more healthy diet. This may entail some research on your part; reading beyond the "All-natural" label may uncover sugar high on the list of ingredients.
. Watch children's health and energy. We never really get to know just how much food our children are eating. We can, however, watch their overall health and energy. If your child seems healthy and vital, it is a pretty good indication that he is getting the nutrients he needs. If you have questions about this, it is important to check with a health professional.
. Feeding children for a lifetime. What children get out of mealtimes during childhood is more than growth, energy and health in the short run. Children are developing a relationship to their bodies; a way to think about food, and an ability to recognize hunger and fullness. Teaching chlordane about what healthy foods are, about trusting their appetite and about eating in a relaxed way are gifts that will nurture them for a lifetime.