I'm tucking Justin in for the night. I'm stretched out beside him in a spoon position, all cuddled up. Justin's been talking about his snuggy tank being low lately, and he's been asking for a lot more snuggies. I've been trying to oblige, cuddling more and having more extended pillow talk before bed. Tonight, while we're cuddling he says, "Mama, I wish I didn't have to grow up. I wish I could be like a video game where you just push "pause" so I could stop growing up for a while."
      "What don't you like about growing up, Justin?"
      "People take you for granted. They don't pay as much attention to you. I don't get as many snuggies as I used to. I hardly ever get to sleep in the big bed, and Emily does all the time."
      My heart goes out to him. It is easier to focus on the needs of his younger sister. Justin seems so independent sometimes that I forget he needs just as much from us as she does. "You know what I've noticed, Justin? Seven is an age where you're growing up really fast. There are lot of changes and people are expecting so much more of you. It's exciting, but it's scary too."
      "It's much more scary than exciting!" Justin says, adamant. Then he dives under the covers and starts making forced, fake crying sounds. It's almost like he's trying to prime the pump-like he wants to cry, but nothing's coming. He continues like this for awhile, but can't reach the deep tears we both sense are waiting. Finally, I decide it doesn't matter. Whether he's really crying or wishing he could, the bottom line is the same: he feels lousy. "Sounds like you might be feeling sad, Justin."
      "My snuggy tank is empty! It feels like it's been dry and empty for a long time. It's like a desert in there!"
      "But Justin, I'm giving you snuggies right now. I've been giving you lots of snuggies. Are you sure there isn't a crack at the bottom of your snuggy tank? I think all your snuggies are leaking out!"
      "They're leaking out right now. I need more snuggies!"
      "You know, Justin, getting snuggies from your family isn't the only way to fill your snuggy tank. When my snuggy tank is low, I have different ways to fill it. Sometimes I find someone to snuggy with. Other times I talk to a friend. Sometimes I write or do something creative. Sometimes I just go hang out in nature."
      "Yeah, I do that, too.
      "Each of us has a different way to fill our snuggy tank. Joan likes to go to yoga and put her hands in the soil. Emily likes to pretend she's a princess and talk to herself. What fills your snuggy tank?"
      "Daydreaming. Looking a books. Being read to. Oz."
      "Oz fills my snuggy tank, too. How about taking a bath, Justin?"
      "Yeah, that works sometimes."
      "It's a good idea to pay attention to the things that fill your snuggy tank. It's nice to get snuggies from other people, but sometimes other people aren't available-or their snuggies don't do the trick. Then you have to find ways to fill your own tank."
      "But sometimes nothing works."
      "Yes, I know. That happens to me, too, sometimes."
      Justin's quiet for a moment. I can feel him really trying to wrap his mind around this. Finally, he says, "I know you're giving me snuggies, but I still feel empty. There's an empty place inside of me that's this big." He separates his hands wide apart: a broad expanse gapes between them.
      "Wow, I can see you're feel pretty empty!"
      "Do you know that empty feeling, Mama?"
      "I do. I know that feeling really well. Everybody has that feeling sometimes. It's just part of being a human being."
      "But I don't like feeling empty." His voice is plaintive and full of anguish.
      "Nobody likes it, Justin. But everybody has lonely, empty places inside. The world we live in isn't like Oz where everybody is happy all the time. You know, sometimes when you've had lots of snuggies and your snuggy tank still feels empty, you just have to sit with it being empty. Sometimes all you can do is just notice it-say to yourself, "I'm feeling really sad and empty right now." And if you just keep noticing it, eventually that feeling changes into something else. It always does."
      Justin's with me. I can see it in his eyes. Then he's quiet, noticing the sadness he's feeling deep inside. "But I'm still feeling lonely."
      "Hmmmm....." I say.
      "I feel like my snuggy tank has been empty forever!"
      "You know, Justin, sometimes you're so busy out in the world and playing so hard you forget to get it filled. That's part of being seven."
      His answer is immediate: "I hate being seven! I don't want to be seven. I wish I could be two or three. That's when I used to get more snuggies."
      I keep snuggying. I try not to say too much because I can't fix this for him. I wrap my body around him and send out all the love I can. Then Justin says: "Mama, would you sing me a lullaby?
      "Which one, Justin?"
      "Like a Ship in the Harbor."
      I love Chris Williamson's song. Holding Eli close, I sing it softly in his ear: "Like a ship in the harbor. Like a mother and child. Like a light in the darkness. I'll stay here awhile. We'll rock on the water. I'll cradle you deep. And hold you while angels sing you to sleep."
      The third time through, I feel Justin's body relax. Then he says in a sleepy voice, "Tomorrow, I want to snuggy the whole day. Do nothing but snuggy and eat. Okay, Mama?"
      And then he slips off into sleep.